Am I apologizing because I'm back or because I was absent? Anyway. I had abandoned this because I was fairly sure that I wanted to host my own blog under my own domain name, but I realized that that option is far too public and not anonymous enough. Not that I'm trying to conceal my identity on here, but it is easier for me to write here about meaningless bullshit because I am under the impression that very few people read this.

So. Where have I been since July 2, 2010? That was about a month ago - I got a new laptop since then! I've also started making all of the necessary arrangements to move to Akron - I can't believe I'm actually doing it! I just got back from visiting for a couple of days and it was pretty great. I know I'll miss the whole Burlington attitude, but it will be nice to live somewhere where there are more people than cows. I actually think I found a townhome that I want to rent in a really nice neighborhood, but it is about $800 a month and our budget was originally $600 a month max. This was before Mike started working - he just got a full-time job for an up-and-coming company and it seems really promising.

Of course nothing happens with me that doesn't come with drama. My family has been arguing with me about it and apparently I am being accused of digging my father into an early grave. There was absolutely no point where I considered asking them for financial help (which they did give me during my time in Burlington), but they wholeheartedly disapprove anyway. They think I'm being too extravagant in living in a townhome but I know what my priorities are and I cannot live in an apartment ever again. It was horrible on my mental health and I was in an awful state for the last 2 years. So right now I'm stressing out because I'm too stubborn to even want them in my life at this point (For the record, they are still my family and I love them. They're just a little loony.) so I don't want them to pay for anything. I have no idea how I'm going to be a full-time student, work part-time, manage living in a townhome, build up savings, have a pet, and possibly get a car. It's going to be hectic. But I stand resolute on the no-apartment deal.

So! Most of my classes are picked out and it sucks ass. They accepted most of my credits, but apparently my biology and chemistry classes aren't going to be accepted for my biochemistry major. They're accepted for general education requirements, but not the major requirements even though I took the highest bio/chem courses at my university. As if I didn't enjoy them the first two years! (Yes, I had to repeat. Note the mental health statement in the previous paragraph.) It pisses me off, but what can you do. I'm going to be in school forever.

There's something a little queer about our family. As much as I love them, we don't communicate often. I very much respect and revere my father, but I have called his cell phone once or twice since moving out of home two years ago, and that was at my boyfriend's insistence...and it was a very confusing experience for me.

Normally I don't like Fathers' Day and Mothers' Day stuff, because every blog in the world today will probably be about fatherhood. It's not something I would usually participate in, but recently I've been so confused about my family that I feel like I should devote some of my time rambling.

Neither of my parents grew up with fathers in their lives. No one knows who my mom's father is and my dad's father died when he was 10. I attribute my dad's confusion of raising me to this hole in his life. How was he to know what role to play in my life without an example? The role he ultimately did take up was the provider for our family. He wakes up early, goes to work, occasionally comes back for lunch, goes back out to work, comes home for dinner, listens to Buddhist meditations, and goes to sleep. Rinse, lather, repeat.

This morning, I got a text message from my mom that said he has been unable to walk for the past 2 weeks because of gout and that I should call him, because it would make his day. This makes me nervous. What do I say to him? Do I say, "Happy Fathers' Day! I love you!" even though I have never told him I loved him before? Is it really as simple as that? I don't doubt that he'll respond with, "When are you coming back home? Do you need money?"

He is a good person. He told me that I can do whatever I want in this world, as long as I do good things for other people. He is qualified to work for the government but instead he works for the poor. He is often in too much pain to work every day, yet he gets up for his family. He is crazy about my mom, even if he doesn't know how to show it. He is one of the smartest people I know. If anyone says anything bad about him, then it is basically over with me. We may not be as close as I would hope, but he's still the coolest dude in my life.